Grief

           4 years went by, I'm still grieving over the death of my first love when will I get through it 

GRIEF

They say “this shall too pass”, even when we know the bitter truth that grief never leaves us, it taunts every second, every minute in every breathe we inhale it is there. Grief never leaves one, one of the most horrifying and bitter truths about grief is that it will stay forever within one. 

The journey from then to now,  putting on a smile in front of the whole world while you are carrying a heavy heart was never easy, making the whole world laugh when you are silently grieving was never easy, missing you, not getting to see you were never easy, every time when someone stare at me I search for your eyes and I never got see it and I never will, every time seeing a garden my heart skips a beat expecting to see you but it trembles at the very same time when it realizes it's never gonna happen.

Still, I question myself and my insecurities, it is because of me I lost you, wasn't I beautiful enough for you to love it is that why you left me even when every time I curse the universe for taking you away from me, I curse myself for not letting know my existence, my heart questions one moment of courage could have changed the whole thing.

Still I don't know why you stared at me , why those stares gave me butterflies , why for the first time in my entire life I saw myself in someones eyes .